*Major Trigger Warning (please stop reading if you are not the most stable person on the planet right now, not like anyone actually reads what I write, I still figure just in case.)* Well this was supposed to be a site where I collected stories from others and tried to inspire others to survive but I can't. I want to make people better but honestly I am holding on by a thread right now. Nobody actually comes onto here anyway but this has given me a place to write what I am feeling. It has become my diary. Well I am tired, stressed and in a pit so dark I wrote a suicide note the other day. I reread it tonight and realized I couldn't finish it because if I did there would no longer be anything keeping me on this planet. That would be it and I could give up. So I am scared but I am also miserable, so instead of finishing the letter I put it here so that by some miracle someone would figure out who I am and come to my rescue because I need someone to care and right now I feel like no one does. I am scared to reach out for help because I hate that look that everyone gives you when they think you are diseased or broken and I don't want to scare them or inconvenience them and honestly, I don't even know who to talk to at this point. I want to go home and tell my mom to hug me and never let me go but I can't and I can't breathe and I can't stop the tears from streaming down my face and I can't stop that feeling like all of my insides are being twisted into a knot so tight it may never be undone. I am not going to kill myself. Not tonight at least and I don't have any plans to but teh pain and depression is real and I am just not sure how to cope anymore.... So that's it. I don't have any insightful advice or perspectives, but what I can tell you is to hold your loved ones tight and if anyone ever asks for help, mentions their depression or god forbid, says "I'm fine", encourage them to find help because its like the weight of the world sitting on your chest and belly threatening to smush you if you don't get the chance to end things yourself first. Good luck friends!
2 Comments
Vickimeows
6/9/2018 11:47:33 am
You are such a courageous, caring, brave and open-hearted individual and I am so glad you stayed in the game of life.
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SBurns
7/20/2021 10:19:45 am
saw your post to Anne Moss. Followed to your site. I just wanted to tell you i admire you and your courage and openness. I also have a lot of despair and schizoaffective disorder diagnoses. Have struggled every day with suicidal thoughts. My Prayers are with You, and i hope You will continue to write , and be able to stay strong.
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A SurvivorA couple of stories and experiences from one of the many survivors of self mutilation, suicide attempts, and mental disorders and illnesses. Archives
February 2017
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