*Trigger warning!*
This article came from one of our readers who wanted to tell the story of their struggle and survival. Enjoy! "At least once a day for a long time in my life I thought about killing myself. It was a disease. All consuming. I didn't have time to think about school or friends or family because I was too busy focusing on planning my own suicide. Would I make it quick and spontaneous or would I create lengthy plans and make sure to write notes to my loved ones. It was repulsive. I was repulsive and I just wanted to disappear into thin air because that was the only way I could avoid dispersing my pain onto the people around me. I didn't ever do it. I thought I was weak for not being able to do it but now I am so thankful that I couldn't. It wasn't because I was weak but rather that I could still love. I still loved seeing my family happy and playing with cute animals and helping other people. I loved watching the sun go up and down and seeing good people do good things. I wanted so badly to leave the pain behind but with that I left behind everything and everyone I loved and I wasn't capable of doing that. I suffered and hurt and kept on pushing even when things were so bad I couldn't face a mirror because I hated myself so much. Things kept moving forward and so I decided I had to too. Something had to change and I guess that eventually that change was going to have to be by me. I started doing whatever I could to be around the things I loved and avoided the things that triggered me. It's been a long fucking process filled with a lot of really terrible days but I've come a long way for myself and for my family. Life sucks but only if you freaking let it! Fight for your happiness, your livelihood and your right to live because you are freaking worth it! Sincerely -A Fellow Survivor"
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
A SurvivorA couple of stories and experiences from one of the many survivors of self mutilation, suicide attempts, and mental disorders and illnesses. Archives
February 2017
Categories |