Wow, writing 'first' on something really adds a lot of pressure.
Hm. Well, I guess I'll start with a quick intro of me and how I got here. I am a young woman who really doesn't know where she's going with life, I know I love helping people and I love psychology. That's about it. All I know for sure is that I am headed forward. One of my favorite places (a wilderness therapy program called ANASAZI) referred to every decision you make as either forward walking or backwards walking. I am forward walking. I am trying to love myself for all of my imperfections and failures as well as trying to embrace life as it comes. Each day that I decide to live I am walking forward. Each day that I accept all of the episodes and tears being bipolar brings, I walk forward. It's always a struggle because I know that I can only walk forward with a heart of peace rather than one full of resentment, anger or fear; and that is probably the hardest thing of all. No one ever wants to let go because "someone has to pay for what they did to me" or if I let it go "that girl who stole my boyfriend will never know the hurt I felt." But what people don't realize is that these things hold us back, not the people we are angry at or hurt by, but us, and that really hinders a lot of our growth as humans. Alright now don't keep reading being all like, "who does this woman think she is, some kind of freaking expert?" No. I am no expert. Let me repeat. I am no expert. I am not perfect. I screw up so freaking much its crazy! I have been a lot of places and through a lot of different therapists and programs but I am still not an expert. I am simply figuring things out as I go and am realizing that some of these things saved my life and so maybe if I write about it, it might help someone else. So anyways. Back to the point. Forward Walking. Yes. That is why I am here. To share my story of how far I have come, how far I've yet to come, and maybe a few other survivors stories as well. I personally believe part of my journey forward involves trying to help us all learn about differences in illnesses and disorders as well as how to love one another and ourselves when we are struggling. That is why I will never sign my name on here. This journey is one for all of us to make together, it isn't about me or one individual's stories. It's about anyone and everyone out there who can relate to any of the words typed onto this screen. Anyone of you reading this will also be a -Survivor
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A SurvivorA couple of stories and experiences from one of the many survivors of self mutilation, suicide attempts, and mental disorders and illnesses. Archives
February 2017
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